Life+is+a+Journey

====//The world is spinning all around me. I feel dark and alone. There is no way for me to decipher what is a dream and what is reality. I can visualize my deepest fears creeping up at every side and there is no escaping it. I have breast cancer.//====

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====I was not always in such a dark place. There was a time when everything seemed normal. When my life was almost happy. It all begins freshman year when I make the varsity soccer team. As a freshman, I am the underdog. No one expects for me to make higher than junior varsity in any sport, because no one pays attention to me. I am the only one who knows that sports are my “go to” activity. Therapy and counseling never change how I feel in the moment. However, when I play a sport, nothing else matters. It is just me and the rest of my team all fighting for one goal. For the first time in my life, I feel truly united with someone other than myself. In the winter, I make varsity basketball, and in the spring, varsity softball. The whole school knows my name, Maria Mandova, and I am considered “popular.” But not popular in the stereotypical sense of a pretty girl who gets the guys. People really notice me!====

====My best friend always says I am the most easygoing, athletic, and loving person she knows. Her name is Sara Newmark. We went to the same preschool together and our families are really close. If Sara did not support me the way she does, I would never have accomplished so much in my life. Our personalities allow us feed off of each other. She is so upbeat and positive, while I am more mellow and always searching for a motivation. Whenever I get down on myself, she is there to lift my spirits, and whenever she gets anxious and over excited I can calm her down and remind her why she is doing whatever it is she is doing. When she is with me I have more confidence and pride because I know how much she appreciates all that I live for.====

====When basketball season started, I became the hero of the team. Coach put me as the starting point guard and people from other towns began to recognize me as well. This continued through sophomore year, and before I knew it, colleges were recruiting me. My family does not have a lot of money. We have enough to get by each day, but college was never really considered, until now. Every day was a new letter, a new school telling me how much they want me, and how well I would fit in at “their” school. However, I am not easily negotiated by just anyone. I was waiting for my dream school.====

====I have an obvious love for basketball, and I am really good at it. But regardless of how well I play, no one can see the real me by watching one game. Aside from sports, I do have academic goals. All my life I have had a passion for nursing. My mother is a nurse, my grandmother was a nurse, and her mother was a nurse. Nursing runs through my blood and there is no other career that could possibly change my mind. My dream school has a nursing program that offers a wide range of possibilities when I graduate. It also has one of the best women’s basketball teams in the country. No other school can top that! My dream school is the University of Connecticut, also known as UCONN.====

====Days, weeks, and months go by with no contact from UCONN. I was beginning to lose hope. The college letters are piling up, but its no use. I can not be truly happy at any other school. Each day when I check the mail box I find another teaser. Just one more college where I do not belong. Not all of these schools have nursing programs, and some of the ones that do, are division 2 basketball. Nothing seems to have the whole package. All I think about is my sports, my school work, and my social life. My family is the same as always, scraping by each day. The attention from colleges is raising their spirits, but other than that, nothing has changed.====

====//Change//. This word can be interpreted in all kinds of different ways. Change can be good, bad, or just normal, everyday things. Personalities change, styles change, presidents change. It all seems almost indifferent. There is one type of change that never actually crossed my mind. It is the worst type of change there is. It makes one look at life with a new set of eyes. In my case, these new eyes are confused and cloudy with tears. I do not know how to handle this change. My father has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. It is incurable, and he is going to die.====

====Loss is a powerful thing. It brings people together through the rough times. My family has certainly been brought together. It is now summer of my senior year of high school and my family is staying at our home all summer. This is supposed to be the best summer of my life. I am spending each day watching my dad get more and more sick, and spending each night, crying myself to sleep. The constant sorrow feels like the life is being sucked out of my soul. It is almost my birthday, but I have nothing to celebrate. Finally, the day comes. I am one year older, but it comes with no joy. My father passed away today, and my life will never be the same.====

====Two days after my father’s passing, I receive the one thing that I have been waiting for my entire life. UCONN has finally sent me a letter inviting me to come visit the coaches at the school. My family is busy handling the memorial services and the funeral. After about three months, the day comes when I go to visit my dream school. Since my mom and I are all thats left, it was just the two of us on the tour. We are able to see the athletic courts, the dorm rooms, and the nursing building. It is everything I expected and more. At the end of the day, the basketball coach takes my mom and me to her office. She shuffles through some papers for a moment and then makes my dreams come true. She says, “Maria, we have seen you play basketball, and would like to offer you a full scholarship to attend the University of Connecticut.” I could barely speak. I could only managed to say one small phrase. “Where do I sign?”====

====The months after that fly by faster than I could imagine. My senior year is over before I even settle in to the school routine. It is summer again and I have begun my training for college ball. The transition from high school to college comes completely natural and I fit right in for the first time. I have found new friends on the team, and there is even one other freshman named, Caitlyn, who has just lost her father to cancer as well. Both Caitlyn and I have new undeniable passions for nursing and medical research. I have my major chosen and the basketball team lets me join right into their family. Everything is as perfect as it could be. If only my father could have seen me get this far. My college research has allowed me to really understand what happened to him.====

====The new information I am learning is inspiring. I have decided to focus on cancer research and trying to find a cure. The most shocking fact that I have discovered in this process is that everyone has cancer cells in their bodies. However, not all people develop cancer. Some foods specifically slow down cell growth in certain cancers. Also, physical exercise helps the body fight cancer, but the amount needed is not the same for all types. All cells have the same general structure. A normal cell only divides when it receives a chemical signal, but cancer cells do not require normal signals to divide. They will divide anyway. The same way they divided inside of my father.====

====There is always something new to learn about cancer. There are so many different types, and each type has a different treatment. The most common type of cancer in women, is breast cancer. In one of my classes, while learning how to use certain testing machines, we found something. I was being tested for breast cancer, simply to educate how the machine works. Suddenly, we saw it. A tumor inside of me. The class was shocked. I was shocked. Everything went black, and the only thought going through my mind was that I can not leave my mother alone.====

====I had passed out. Having lived through what happened to my father, I thought I was next. I immediately called my mom and we went to the cancer treatment hospital right across the street. There we discussed the treatments with my doctor and decided on what would work best. In the past, I would have only cared about getting back on the court. Now I have learned that in the long run, family and friends are more important than any game, and I have to appreciate my life to the fullest. I have hope that is will get better. Life is a journey. I am in a safe place and smart people are taking care of me. In no time I will be back on the court, with my mom, and helping my community with my new found information and experiences. There is a famous quote that my mom used to say. **"Beginnings are always messy"** by John Galsworth. I have so much to give, and this is only the beginning. If I can only do one thing in my lifetime, I will try to find a cure for cancer.====